The Official Newsletter of

Heart t= Heart

The Twelve Steps
of Heart t= Heart

1. We admitted we were powerless over compulsive/addictive behaviors--that our lives had become unmanageable. (Mosiah 4:5; Alma 26:12)

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. (Mosiah 4:9; Alma 26:12)

3. Made the decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. (2 Ne. 10:24; Omni 1:36; Mosiah 3:19; 2 Nephi 4:34)

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. (Alma 15:17; Mosiah 4:2; Jacob 4:6-7; Ether 12:27)

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. (Mosiah 26:29; Alma 22:18)

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. (Helaman 3:35; 2 Nephi 31:19; Mosiah 2:20-21)

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. (Alma 36:18; Alma 38:8; Moroni 10:32; Mosiah 5:2; Alma 34:15-16)

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. (3 Nephi 12:9, 24, 44-45.)

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. (Mosiah 27:35; 3 Nephi 12:25; Mosiah 26:30)

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. (2 Nephi 4:18; 2 Nephi 10:20; Mosiah 26:30)

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. (2 Nephi 32:3; Alma 37:37; Helaman 10:4)

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others still suffering from the effects of compulsive behaviors and to practice these principles in all our affairs. (Mosiah 27:36-37; Alma 5:7; Moroni 7:3)

The twelve steps are reprinted with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. Permission to reprint the twelve steps does not imply affiliation between AA and Heart t= Heart.

Dearest Friends

CONFERENCE THOUGHTS

I love the scene in AAladdin@ where the Genie talks about being a AGreat Cosmic Power@ squished into Aa little-bitty living space.@ And that is definitely how I feel any attempt I make to describe the 8^th Annual Conference of Heart t= Heart, held September 10-11, will seem. The conference and especially the spirit at the conference was just too big to ever fit into any number of words about it. Truly, you would have had to be thereBand you would have had to have been to all seven conferences before it, to appreciate the giant leap in maturity it represented for the fellowship of HtH.

CONFERENCE THOUGHTS, CONT.

Friday evening=s activities began with a dinner and musical entertainment. All the dinner spots we ordered were filled. No one took a count of people, but all the chairs were filled, at the tables and in the audience section, which means there were about 100 people in attendance.

The Spirit was the treat.

The dinner was good, but I=m afraid I didn=t notice much of what I ateBthe miracle of the gathering membership and friends of Heart t= Heart was too exciting. The musical program was inspiring and Dr. Rick=s talk on ALeaving the 99 and Taking Care of the One (Yourself)@

CONFERENCE THOUGHTS, CONT.

left many of us in tears.Whenwe went Ahome,@ to our motel room, I could hardly sleep. I kept waking up all night, wondering if it was morning yet. Looking forward to going back to the Student Center on UVSC campus felt like getting up on Christmas morning. I could hardly wait for the day to unfold.

The facilities were very nice. The food was good. The workshops were excellent. But the Spirit was the treat. There was such a spirit of honesty and humility among the people attending. There was such a spirit of seeking to find one=s answers in a personal relationship of at-one-ment and revelation with the Lord Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father.

CONFERENCE THOUGHTS, CONT.

There was a spirit of acceptance and tender-heartedness for each other and for self.

On Saturday afternoon, when it drew to a close and we stood in a circle of about 100 people and sang and danced to the beautiful invitation of AThe Lord of the Dance@Ba song that portrays the joy and optimism of Christ=s invitation to us to Adance@ the dance of life with joy, with HimBthere were tears and love overflowing in every direction. Then, finally, we stood quietly and sang AGod Be With You >til We Meet Again.@ There a was a closing prayer. Those who had to go, left reluctantly. About fifty of us stayed  and held a one-hour sharing meeting. One of the things that was so

wonderful was that there were nearly as many men at this conference as there were women. Well, maybe one-third were menBbut 1/3 of 130 or more people is a lot of brethren.

There were representatives from groups or beginning groups as far away as Florida and Michigan. There were members from Idaho, California, Nevada, Arizona, and of course Utah.

On Saturday morning, the Second Annual Official Business Assembly met and there were voting delegates from 12  registered groups. The main item of discussion and voting was literature. Two new pamphlets were introduced and accepted as

official literature of Heart t= Heart.

In a spirit of deepest humility and awe toward our beloved Heavenly Father and Savior, may I bear my testimony to all of you of Their goodness and mercy. May I bear my testimony to you that the Spirit of the Lord has been in this work from the beginning. Each new year that passes is like the unfolding of a picture I have already seen in Athe eyes of my understanding@ those many years ago. It is possible to go down into the depths of humility so that the Lord can lift you up. It is possible for members of the Church to get together and be plain and truthful about two thingsBtheir weaknesses and the Lord=s power to atone and redeem.

To date, this conference is probably one of the most precious highlights of my life. I am so grateful to Heavenly Father and to our LordBand to all those who participated in bringing this conference togetherBfrom the chair-person to the newest attendee. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I remain eternally your servant in Christ and in the joy of His fellowship. BColleen

CAPTURING FROM THE SCRIPTURES

(Step 11)

1 Nephi 2:1 AThey did murmur in many things against their father,

because he was a visionary man, and had led them out of the land of Jerusalem . . .@   Recovery is all about becoming visionary men and women. A visionary, in the true sense, is a person of vision, not one=s own vision, but the vision of God. To be visionary is to see the past, present and future as the Lord sees it. The foundation of such sight is not foolish imagination, but conscious contact with God through prayer, meditation, scripture study and following the promptings of his spirit. God=s vision is a gift worth living for.
2 Nephi 2:16 AHaving great desires to know of the mysteries of God, wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord; and behold he did visit me.@ To desire is to long for something.

Those of us with compulsive and addictive tendencies know what it is like to long for or desire something destructive. As we use the tools to Acome unto Christ,@ and we accept his grace in helping us work on each of the steps our desires or longings change until what we crave is not the numbing effect of our drug of choice, but life-giving communication with the Lord through His spirit. The greatest mystery the Lord can reveal to us is His will for us. He will reveal it to us in direct proportion to our Agreat desires@ for his word to us.
Nephi 10:19 AFor he that diligently seeketh shall find; and the mysteries of God shall be unfolded unto them, by the power of the Holy Ghost.@ The price we must be willing to pay for relationship with and

  understanding from God is diligent seeking. To seek is to search for, and to be diligent is to be persistent. As our hunger for conscious contact grows, our use of the tools as a means to Acome unto Christ@ will be more continual. We will lay down one tool and pick up another so as not to lose a moment of divine connection. We Acome unto Christ@ because we love Him and we need Him. There are no moments of the day when we don=t love and need Him. As our testimony of this grows we will naturally become more diligent in our seeking.

Nannette

BIG BOOK STUDY

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA Big Book) p. 569

The terms Aspiritual experience@ and Aspiritual awakening@ used many times in the Big Book are compared on page 569 to a Apersonality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism.@   Comment: I am left to wonder about this idea of a Apersonality change.@ In nearly three years of classes on human development, I have heard over and over that a person=s personality is considered virtually fixed by the end of preschool years. And yet, what happens through twelve step program is most definitely thatBa change of personalityBor orientation

towards life. Often, it is a change of entire tempermentBwhich all the development field considers inherent from birth. How is it? How can that be done? What happens that changes a person=s most intrinsic, internalized paradigm or way of relating to life? For some, according to this page, it happens in the instant of a single decision to throw their heart and mind open to accepting a personally loving God. For others it happens over the gradual, incremental accumulation of decisions to believe these principles can open their heart and mind to a personal consciousness of God.
I am reminded of the complete personality changes that happen to individuals who have Anear death experiences.@ There are documented

cases of people returning from thatkind of experience 180 degrees different from the person they were before. What happened there?

And how are the moments of insight and awareness produced by the cognitive reframing of the twelve steps able to produce such a similar change in those people who choose to give themselves up to it?

It=s almost like the twelve steps becomes that tunnel that people are swept through into a new degree or dimension of consciousness. It=s like they are healed of narcissism, or neurosisBor bothBor something. It is amazing.
It is such a powerful experience to keep coming back to these ways of

thinking, of choosing, of living, and to feel the contrast between the sanity and peace they afford with the relapses we fall into. Little by little the person who keeps practicing thinking this way, who keeps trying to apply these principles in all their relationshipsBbecomes more and more adept and spontaneous at doing so. They become more and more capable of cutting through the insanity and unmanageability of this life and returning to the moment of renewal and recovery of serenityBof that peace that is associated with Christ and that only He can administerBthat peace that makes no sense, that passes understanding. In the midst of the chaos of modern mortality, His serenity, His courage, His wisdom restores us to sanity. I

know. At this very moment, I have a couple dozen reasons to be stressedBall of which were shredding my mind only a few minutes ago. And now, instead, after getting back in conscious contact with the Truth, I have the peace that only He can bring. And rather than sit home and focus on the two dozen fears and worries and problems, I=m going to trust them to God=s care and take the opportunity to go to a Heart t= Heart meeting, tonight. I know I will meet other people there who are willing to let go of their strangle hold on the world, or excuse themselves from the world=s strangle hold on them and turn to the solutionBthe hope and joy and peace of rejoicing in Christ.
ASpiritual experiences.@ ASpiritual awakenings.@ They come continually,

even in the smallest efforts on our part to receive themBlike in this last half hour. Oh, by the way, my name is Colleen H. and I=m a grateful, recovering mortal. Thanks for letting me share.

!!!

Little Harrowed Voices

Elizabeth F.

(written 26 January 1999, during a Heart t= Heart meeting early in her journey of recovery)

All the little voices
Talking to my head,
Demanding my attention,
Crying to be fed.

Like anxious day-old sparrows
In a crowded, prickly nest,
All the little voices
Cannot be put to rest.

One by one I feed them
And thank them for their part,
Nurture them and heal them,
As He binds my broken heart.

Little harrowed voices
Who cry at me today.
Someday you=ll be strong enough
To gently fly away.

Sharing on the Tools

MIGHTY PRAYER

Mighty prayer is humble prayer, listening prayer. Not just talking prayer.

I used to give only talking prayers. I truly did not realize that someone as imperfect and sinful as I am could receive any impressions, visions (inspired pictures in my mind), or words. I thought the best I could hope for is a Asign@ that might come at any timeBvague and trickyBhard to recognizeBif I blinked I might miss it. I absolutely did not realize that I could have such direct contact with God, such loving contact with God, such abundant contact with God.

Today, I realize that He is there to answer any and every thought that I direct to Him. Today, I realize that when the Prophet Joseph said, Aconverse@ with GodBhe meant it. Converse. Like a conversation as constant and consistent and ongoing as I reach out and desire. As clear and plain and revelatory as I am willing to prepare my heart and mind to receive. Mighty prayer is to converse with the Lord, to counsel with HimBto hear (receive) in some fashionBthrough discernable impressions, visions (pictures in your mind) memories brought to your mind in the midst of prayerful conversation, words that come into your mind that you=re willing to admit are too wise and sane and calm to be your own.

Open Sharing

FROM MY HEART

It was meeting day, and I was in a rather emotional place this particular day. I had problems and I didn=t have answers. I always felt good going to meetings where I knew I wasn't alone. The meeting began and I vaguely recall hearing the words from the "Highlights" section of the Traditions reading . . . bearing one another's burdens . . . Holy Ghost . . . We began reading from the text of the workbook. My stomach felt like a French knot. Then the sharing portion of the meeting began. This was what I'd been waiting for. My relief from the knot would surely come as someone's feelings would be just like mine

FROM MY HEART, CONT.

and their solution would help me. One after another they opened up, expressing heart-deep problems and needs. I found myself thinking, "What's wrong with me? I have it good compared to these women. What can I do to help them, even though I don't live close by? Maybe something I can share will help."

Experience after experience unfolded in my memory responding to each of their stories. Surely my answers would work for them!  It got closer and closer to my turn. At least four stories of survival from similar circumstances circled in my thoughts. The knot got tighter and tighter. How could I share all I needed to and still not take up too much time? I cried out in my heart for Heavenly Father's

FROM MY HEART, CONT.

help. The answer came in a still small whisper.

"Has it ever occurred to you that these sisters don't need your answers? They are sharing from their hearts, sharing their feelings to help them identify their needs. I will give them answers, and I will give you answers. What are you feeling? What do you need? Open your mouth and share from that place deep within you. Let the Holy Spirit teach you what will work for you."

It was a most humbling and most healing answer. As I stopped trying to fix and started practicing taking care of me, I discovered a much deeper support system in our

meeting. I learned from my own experiences as well as other people's, and I learned that what works for me is to ask Heavenly Father for the answers. Sometimes they will come to me after someone else shares, but they will only be mine when I take them to God and receive His witness that they'll work for me. Thanks for letting me share. --CBK

Attention: Important Information

NEWSLETTER
BUSINESS

This newsletter has struggled a bit this year. Instead of being a monthly publication or even bi-monthly (which was our goal for 1999), we have managed only three issues.

We appreciate your patience and longsuffering, and we would also appreciate your prayers in our behalf, that our publication schedule next year will be more regular. We also would appreciate your written contributions to the newsletter. We want to hear from the whole fellowship. We have grown

considerably this year, and the articles we see in this newsletter should reflect this growth. We would appreciate articles about what is happening in your group, about your personal recovery, about the steps, the traditions, or the tools. Please send these to our mailing address:

Heartbeats c/o Heart t= Heart
PO Box 17682, SLC UT 84117

Enjoy the spirit of conference!

Conference tapes are available through Heart t' Heart (see order form on-line www.heart-t-heart.org or our regular mailing address) or Fulfillment Services (1-800-811-1132).The 1999 conference of 15 tapes is $80 + shipping or tapes may be ordered individually. Past conferences are also available.

Note from Webnovice (I don't dare call myself a "Webmaster" yet):

I am struggling with the format of the newsletter some.  If you have any suggestions, please e-mail them to me.  Send e-mail to help@heart-t-heart.org.

thanks -- Phil   

This is the end of the newsletter.  Thank you for reading.